Dead:

(I wrote this piece for an activity in a lesson, we were meant to make the reader feel empathy towards the charecter. I don't think I have achieved empathy but I still think that the overall piece could be quiet good, but I need help to workout what parts to change.)

It's dark. So dark I can't even see my hands before my face. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, eyes watching me always watching, never blinking, staring into my soul. Why? Why are they always watching me. Their eyes accusing me, condeming me. I try to find them in the dark, but I can't make out their faces in the swirling mass. Goosebumps run up alone my arms, as the shadows in the dark move closer. Silently slithering around me. Each second that they are near me streaches out for an eternity. I am so scared I cannot breath, their pushing at me harder and harder. Compressing me down onto the floor. Everywhere they touch me leaves me burning with cold, I can hear them whisper to each other but their words are lost on me. Their chilling laughter wraps around me. My mind is on fire, I try to scream but they force their way down my throat, stealing my voice before it has left my lips. I'm so scared. There is no way out, no way to escape. They push me down further and further. Until I'm falling, so quickly even the darkness blurs before my eyes. I can hear them above me screaming, searching for me. Like a writhing mass they come after me, their so close now I can see their eyes staring at me, blaming me.

I land with a hard thud. The shadows are gone, their eyes no longer watching. Ahead I can see my mum, she's crying. I run up towards her, but she cannot see me. I call out to her but she cannot hear me. I scream and still she cannot hear. Dismayed I look around, she's not alone, there are two other men with her. Police officers. My mother is hysterical now, she's begging them, telling them they've got it wrong. They just shake their heads and leave my mother alone, they'll be back soon they tell her. I walk up to her slowly waiting to see if she will notice me. 'Mum?' She looks up and just for a seconds hope fills me, she stares at and she smiles. She up and running towards me within a second. We're both crying now as we run together arms open. She runs right through me. Confused she looks around but this time she cannot find me, in her despair she colapses in a heap on the floor. I try to comfort her but a barrior keeps me away. I'm so confused, looking around a see a folder lying on the table. Walking towards it I can see the cover title. It's my name. Scared now I open up the file, dreading what it will read.

'The body was found late on July 16th, abandoned in an ally way behind the local night culb. The body was covered in multiple stab wounds and a post mortom showed that the victim died of sever blood loss and hypothermia. After cheaking the records the victim has been identified as,'

...me.

Story Opening

(I wrote this opening about a year ago when I felt like writting a story. After losing the creative burst of wanting to write that much I stop writting and the file was left to collect dust. I have recently refound the opening and wish to know what people think about it and if they think it would be worth while to continue with the story and post the rest on my blog.)

I lay face down on the floor. Unable to move. I hear him; feel him, with every passing second coming closer, and closer. In only seconds he will be upon me, in only seconds everything I hold dear will be torn from me. I feel nothing but fear, not yet, please not yet. I want to run, to hide; I want this to stop. Why is it me? The question I have asked through out my life- my short life. I am yet to find the answer and soon, so soon, it will be to late. No second chances. Everyone I love; everyone I hold dear, will be lost. But for what? So many questions that I will never find the answer to. My eyes swell with tears, it hurts, my skin is burning, yet my mind is numb. Such pain I have never known now fills my whole existence. Tears run down my face freely now, like tiny water falls. This is it. No more running. No more hiding. He is so close now; I can feel each step, each vibration as his feet meet the cold stone floor. This horrible place will be the last thing I see, yet I want to take in every detail, every whisper, every living thing. A world full of living things, more tears run down my face as I remember the beauty of the world, it's always there, you just have to look. I feel as though I may drown in all the life around me, I am nothing, a pointless creature living in a world of beauty. People say that every living thing is special, they're lying, only trying to stop you from uncovering the evil that lies just beneath the surface. I wish I had more time, I wish I could do it all again, I would do it differently, savour every moment. I try to think of all the happiness in the world, I want to forget where I am, I want the last thing I feel to be the sun on my skin, the warmth of the summer breeze and the laughing raindrops as they fall on my skin, so cold yet warm. But darkness melts away the happy memories, I can only see the hatred and the fear, it swarms throughtout my mind, no more happy thoughts, no more laughter. I'm alone in the dark. With only the ghosts of my past for company.

And him. He's here, standing right infront of me, the thing that ruined my life, I can sense him though my eyes are useless. There can be no hope now, I can see now how pointless my struggle was. My whole life has been a series of events leading up to this one moment where everything stands still. This one moment where there is no escape. No last mineut trick. No saviour. Just me and him. But what did I do to deserve this life? This never-ending pain, it hurts so much, my head... it's burning. I have tried so hard to escape this, tried so hard to be happy with what I have and make the most of it. I have tried to fit in, tried to be normal. I had thought that maybe just maybe if I could be like everyone els, if I clould forget, than none of this would have had to happen, and that I could be truely happy. I never knew I could be so wrong.